Birthday Rollercoaster Ride

Today was a rollercoaster of a day.  You know the type of day I'm talking about-a day where you feel so many emotions all at once-excitement, nervousness, sorrow, and joy.

At 8:16 this morning, just as my third grade class was getting settled in for a long day of learning, my phone rang.  I didn't recognize the number, so I knew it was THE CALL!  I had been expecting the birth mother to call when she went into labor.  I was looking forward to sharing in that miracle with her, camcorder in one hand, tissues in the other.  It wasn't her though. It was Gloria from the adoption agency.  The baby had been born overnight. 
From the minute my husband and I embarked on this adoption journey, we have asked God to bring us THE child.  Not any child, but a hand-selected by God child.  One that would fit so perfectly into our family puzzle that we couldn't be complete without him or her.  After receiving the December 3rd call, my prayer changed.  "Lord, let me trust you.  If this is not the child for us, allow me to accept that and be patient. You are the author of life and of this family and will do what is best for us. I place our story in Your hands." 

If I ever needed to pray that prayer, it was today.

Later, after speaking to Gloria again, we were told that we would be able to see him tomorrow.  HIM.  A beautiful boy.  I hadn't known what she was having until today. 

I am not exactly sure how I feel.  I am thrilled obviously, but don't yet feel that I can celebrate.  I am crushed that I missed his birth.  The birth of a child is something I may never get to experience.  I feel so much love but it doesn't quite feel real. I grieve because I have a son less than an hour away whom I've never met.  I rejoice because tomorrow, with God's grace, I will be a mom. 

Most importantly today I'd like to thank the birthmother.  This is not something she had to do.  There are options.  She chose life.  She didn't have to pick us, but she did.  She and her family will always hold a special place in our hearts.  I pray that she finds peace with her decision in the days, week, and months to come.  I hope she knows what this means to us and how we will treasure every day with this child.