What NOT to say!

As much as I love to share pictures of the incredibly adorable Carter, my purpose for starting this blog was to discuss the ins and outs of adoption. I know that while I was caught in the middle between wanting to be a mother and becoming a mom, I found strength and hope in other women's words. Our decision to adopt was actually made final after a night spent reading blogs.

Although most people Travis and I have come across have been wonderfully supportive and thrilled for us, there have been a few others. Others who don't think before they speak. Others whose words made my heart cringe. Others who have no idea what they are talking about.

If you have adopted, you might agree with me. If you want to adopt, don't let the possibility of a handful of negative comments stop you.

If you have not and will not adopt, here are a few things NOT to say:

"You know, [so and so] adopted and then they got pregnant right away! That will probably happen to you." --- No, no it won't. I do know that it is something that has happened to some women. I also believe that nothing is impossible for God. However, you could never know the pain that this phrase causes to a lot of women facing infertility. Please, don't say it.

"Is your baby going to be (insert other race here)? --- Does it matter? God loves all His children.

"That's great [adopting] but you are going to have your own children, right?" --- Again, I will not be having children, but I believe with everything in me that Carter is my child. I have to admit that the adoption process was emotionally taxing. Sometimes I'm not sure I can handle it again if we choose to. It would be easier to be able to get pregnant, but that was not God's choice for me. I have learned through it all that the valleys were necessary for us to have Carter as part of our family.

"Carter is so lucky to be given to a family who will actually love and care for him."---This REALLY boils my blood. Sadly, many people think that most adoptive children are given up without a thought or care from teenage girls or troublemakers. Carter's birthmother, Rachael is neither. She is a wonderfully funny, hard-working woman. Her decision, I'm sure, was a difficult one for her to make. A brave one. One that will bind us together forever. Yes, we love Carter dearly, but so does she.

These things have been on my heart to share for awhile. I do not write them to let off steam. My hope is that those reading might think about their words first.